


Here With Me, It's Always Home

by seoulsoo



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Childhood Friends, Coming of Age, Consensual Underage Sex, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Miscommunication, Past Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno, Referenced Lee Donghyuck/Wong Yukhei, Slice of Life, Summer, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-15 12:28:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28563546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seoulsoo/pseuds/seoulsoo
Summary: Summer in the city taste like lavender lemonade. It feels like Mark’s hand on Donghyuck’s thigh when they’re cramped into Johnny’s basement. It sounds like Mark’s laugh, a little louder than everyone else’s and a little longer too when it's Donghyuck that prompts its release. It’s staying up late, watching the sunrise sneak in through Mark’s blinds, a tangled mess of limbs in childhood bedsheets.  It’s trying to capture it all before Mark leaves for good, a scholarship taking him back home to Canada. Neither of them talk about what this means, what they’ll be without one another when they’ve been one for so long. Donghyuck mourns the future as if it’s already passed, sneaks glimpses of Mark to save into his memory for moments when he feels most alone.They both have so much to say but so little time to say it. In their last summer together, nothing and everything changes.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Mark Lee, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 10
Kudos: 105





	1. Chapter 1

Summer in the city taste like lavender lemonade. The kind that Donghyuck doesn’t even know is a thing until Mark’s mom brings them a glass while they sit under the shade of the willow tree out front, shirts sticking to sweaty skin, Donghyuck’s head on Mark’s lap, finger’s lazily brushing through hair. The streets are quiet most days, a slow growl of an engine passing by occasionally. When a car does go past, windows down & hands out waving, music fills the neighborhood— layered over the distant sound of sirens and honking coming from downtown. The boys run to the other side and wave back to the cars, excited to find life. Mark tells Donghyuck not to run with that toothpick in his mouth but chases him around all the same. Grass embeds in Donghyuck’s skin after Mark tackles him. The sun sinks into their bones. 

The days are filled with things like this. Boredom comes through near the end of summer and all they have is a ball from the dollar store and it’s just too damn hot to stay inside in late August but they’re too poor to buy a car and think they’re too cool to walk anywhere so they sit around. At night, the lights lining the empty stores and lively bars of the main road turn the city gold and blue and bright pink. Donghyuck’s sweat feels sticky like sugar on his forehead when Mark’s mom sends them out to get her a cola. They walk down the road and back again— cigarette smoke filling Donghyuck’s nostrils. 

Every year this repeats and every summer it ends. The boys on the block had known each other for years now, some longer than others. It had been eight years since Donghyuck had met Mark. He moved into Donghyuck’s apartment complex with a small box of toys and a goldfish named Mi Dal. His father's job relocated them from Vancouver to Seoul and Mark is shy and speaks a mix of Korean and English. Even that takes a while though. Donghyuck doesn’t get any words out of Mark at all until the third month after his arrival. In Mark’s defense, Donghyuck hadn’t really been trying. He had Jeno to kill time with. 

Jeno’s lived next to Donghyuck for as long as he can remember. The two grew up together, escaping the neighborhood whenever they could by going to Jeno’s rich uncle’s house by the lake or sometimes heading to the fancy restaurants downtown with white table cloths and shining silverware. Donghyuck was used to giving Jeno his full attention so when Mark arrived, he had none left to give to him.  
He watched Jeno grow and when he caught the older’s body changing, muscles growing and acne sprouting upon his neck, Donghyuck wondered if maybe he himself was changing as well. He asked Jeno such one day if Jeno thought he looked different. No, he had said. Why would you? 

It was then that Donghyuck realized that he might be a bit different, more observant to those around him. Or at least, more observant to Jeno, committing the way his eyes disappeared when he smiled to his memory and taking note of how large Jeno’s hands were when he held a football. Sometimes, late at night, Donghyuck imagined Jeno’s hand intertwined with his. Being held by him in those big hands, that same smile looking at him…. it made Donghyuck blush. And, like any young boy realizing he’s different from those around him, it overwhelms and he makes the rushed decision to step away, to take a break from Jeno. Without communicating it, Jeno had slowly been taking his own break from Donghyuck. Sometimes Donghyuck would catch that same look on Jeno that Donghyuck had daydreamed about directed at him, being pointed at Na Jaemin.

So, Donghyuck sets out to befriend Mark. He’s weird at first, older than Donghyuck, but still lets himself be dragged around to whatever adventure Donghyuck wishes. Mark looks at Donghyuck when he speaks with his full attention and he smiles with his whole face and claps his hands whenever Donghyuck says something funny. Naturally, then, Donghyuck chooses to ignore the obscurity of Mark Lee and lets him into his life. 

Mark becoming friends with Donghyuck meant becoming friends with Donghyuck’s own little gang of rascals. Besides Jeno and his massive crush on Jaemin from down the street, there was Renjun.

Renjun himself was another enigma. Born and raised until he was 10 in China, his Korean was a lot like Mark’s but he masked it behind faux confidence. When he shows up to Donghyuck and Jeno’s third-hour class, he sits down next to them with no hesitation, following them to lunch after, and has not left their side since. 

Donghyuck asked him once, why he decided to sit by them. Renjun shrugged, I liked your Spiderman notebook, he says. And that’s that. 

Renjun’s younger brother, Chenle flocked towards them too, practically Renjun’s shadow but he’d never admit it. That was until he met Donghyuck’s own younger brother, Jisung. The two were always up to something mischievous when they were together, how could Donghyuck forget when they broke their mom’s fancy glass punch bowl at Christmas time? The red sorbet slush splashing onto the ground after the young ones got too rowdy at a game of slapsies. 

It had been them then, those seven boys on the block for three years since. Others came in and filled gaps that each person must have longed for. But Donghyuck never needed that, not when he had Mark by his side. But Mark, being the oldest of them all and having a cousin who was even older, would sometimes slip away from sleepovers to head to parts of town Donghyuck wasn’t allowed to go. His cousin, Johnny, was a foreigner in Korea too. Born and (mostly) bred in Chicago, he and Mark like to talk in English to one another. Donghyuck pretends he isn’t jealous. He and Mark have their own things too, it's just he can’t even think of them when the moment calls for it. Through Johnny, Mark met Ten and Yukhei and Taeyong and Doyoung and on and on and on until Donghyuck started to tune Mark out when he tells stories of their nightly escapades.

Mark was 18 now. He could do things like that. It was weird, seeing the boy Donghyuck use to drag around become his own flesh being. A change in their dynamic that happened gradually, slowly at first then all at once, where Mark began taking the lead. Hyuck would walk behind just a bit as Mark held his hand and dragged him to the store to get ice cream. Or, Mark would lecture him on sneaking out of detention to go see the wrestling team practice. “Those boys will get too cocky if they see you doing that. They’re no good.” He’d scowl. 

And Donghyuck, strangely enough, let it happen. Being the loudest of the group, it was usually him who made all the decisions for them but now he’d look at Mark a bit more, searching for a shake of the head or a shrug to ensure his plans would pass. Renjun, with his owl-like eyes and knowledgable nature, noticed it first.

“You’ve let Mark boss you around a lot lately. Never expected you to be so docile.” 

“I’m not, docile, or whatever that word is. I just let Mark chose sometimes.”

“That's literally what docile means, Hyuck.”

“Sorry some of us do more than read dictionaries in our free time.”

Donghyuck knew that a part of his submissiveness was an attempt to keep Mark around. It felt like lately, the older one was harder to find than to spend time with. Going out with his new friends late and sleeping in later, Donghyuck feared Mark was beginning to slip away. Deep down, Donghyuck knew the anxiety he felt about losing Mark to others was really due to the fact Mark was actually leaving him at the end of the summer. 

A school in Vancouver, back home, had awarded him a scholarship to come sing. They all knew Mark was good but didn’t realize just how good. The school had take notice, though, of how this odd mix of culture and toothy grins was able to drop an octave and bring it back up effortlessly, fluid and romantic sounding. They saw potential, an investment into something great. 

Donghyuck felt an odd mixture of pride and jealousy. He had heard Mark’s voice sing lullabies muffled into Donghyuck’s hair late at night when the younger boy struggles to fall asleep, his thoughts pounding in his head over the feeling of Mark being so close to him and fear of what it would feel like to sleep alone. 

Donghyuck, of course, knew that it was an opportunity Mark could not pass up, even if it meant leaving them all behind. None of them could ever dream of attending a school like this, all paid for. Besides, their opinion really didn’t matter. Mark’s parents would have him on that plane leaving 2 weeks from the day either way.

They all had been masking it lately, ignoring the inevitable fact that Mark Lee was leaving them soon. Donghyuck’s anxiety manifesting in his submissiveness to Mark’s demands. Which, is how Donghyuck now finds himself sitting in between Mark’s legs, suffocating from the smell of cheap hair dye as Mark massages his scalp and lathers his hair in “blue and red make purple” hair dye, (Mark had mumbled that about ten minutes ago when they had ran out of the purple dye).

It was a spur of the moment decision, really. Donghyuck had gone out with Jeno and Jaemin and Renjun that afternoon to the mall. It was a rare opportunity for them to manage to get a ride, but Jeno’s older brother, Taeil, was going to buy new cleats for soccer practice since it was starting up again with school nearing and offered to take them. There wasn’t enough room to have invited Mark, Donghyuck thought to himself to justify going without him, but also apart of him hadn’t wanted to invite Mark, didn’t want Mark to see him as some kid who needs his friend’s brother to take him to the mall as if he’s being babysat. 

Of course, Mark didn’t see it this way. When Donghyuck had gotten back home later, after the sun had already started to set, losing feeling in his arms thanks to tight plastic from his shopping bags wrapping around skin, Mark is outside his apartment door, sitting up against the wall. 

“Your mom said you were out,” he says, feigning disinterest. 

“Taeil took us all to the mall…sorry.” Donghyuck wonders how long he's been waiting here.

“Don’t be,” he says, but looks annoyed about it all. Donghyuck doesn't really think he has that right though, he leaves all the time and doesn’t tell Donghyuck. “What did you get?”

“Don’t laugh…” Donghyuck says, opening the bag for Mark to lean over and see. His eyebrows furrow together as he examines the contents, pulling one of the bottles out curiously.

“Hair dye?” he asks.

“I thought it would be kinda fun for us to do….if you wanted.” Donghyuck says with a shrug, suddenly embarrassed by the decision to buy it.

“Hmmmmm.” Mark only hums, making the matter worse. Mark’s hair has only ever been black, and while Donghyuck’s dyed his hair a sandy shade of brown, taking trips into the city with his mom to some professional to help bleach it, Mark had avoided anything of the sorts. Really, he never took much care of his appearance, always slouching with annoyance and embarrassment when Donghyuck dragged him to the pharmacy on the main street, grabbing some concealer to hide a new sprouting pimple. But then again, Mark didn’t need makeup to cover up anything, not like Donghyuck thought he needed it. It wasn’t that Mark wouldn’t benefit from sprucing up his appearance, putting in more effort, it's just that he carried himself with such confidence that made up for it all. Donghyuck had wondered if Mark ever thought about himself in a bad way, ever even looked in the mirror and paused.

“Sorry, it was stupid. We don’t have to.” Donghyuck says, grabbing the bottle back from Mark and shoving it back into his bag. He had gone too far. Mark already thought he was weird for having brown hair, imagine what he would think if he added any other color.

Mark reaches back into the bag even as Donghyuck tries to pull away. “Uh uh. Let me see,” he says, taking the entire bag out of Donghyuck’s hands while Donghyuck groans. He looks at the back of the label, opens the lid, and squeezes a bit out onto his finger, examining the color. “I've always liked purple”, he says with a knowing smile.

-

“Like the whole head?” Donghyuck asks as Mark puts on plastic gloves. “I thought just like a few pieces like I did yours.” Donghyuck had dyed pieces of Mark’s bangs bleach blonde. For how stupid it was supposed to look, Mark somehow makes it look incredible, like some sort of model.

“Go big or go home,” Mark says, and that was that-- any annoyance disappearing with the amusement of it all, of Mark knowing Donghyuck hates the color purple and loves the color of his hair now-- all washing away as Mark squeezes purple onto the palm of his hand.

It’s hot in Mark’s room, even with the window open letting in the mosquitoes of the night. It’s late enough into the year Donghyuck can hear the cicadas chirp outside, an endless parade of noise that becomes a new silence, like the soft humming in your ear when you try to not think.

He slaps his knee, got one, Donghyuck thinks as his hand pulls away to reveal a squished mosquito in his palm, his own blood freshly sucked and now staining his skin.

He’s holding Mark’s fan in his other hand, a bit awkwardly. It’s big enough to probably need to be sat on a table, requiring much more effort than Donghyuck would like to keep it balanced in-between his fingertips. It works well enough for Donghyuck to speak into it and make his voice sound distorted, almost robotic.

“Mark I am your faaaaathhhhherrrrr,” he says and listens to his voice vibrate across the blades and whirl back out to his ears. Mark pinches his scalp in retaliation but he doesn’t pay much mind to Donghyuck, too focused on the task at hand. 

Donghyuck flaps his legs around, bored out of his mind. “Can you hurry up?”

“It would be easier if you’d stop moving.”

“You better not get any on my skin Mark Lee. Especially after I did such a good job on yours.”

“Right, ignoring the fact I lost a clump of hair because you forgot to set a timer.”

“How was I suppose to know it was burning you if you didn't say anything?!”

“Sorry I trusted you!”

Mark’s hands covered in goop feel cold on Donghyuck’s scalp and he subconsciously finds himself leaning back into the touch, back resting against Mark’s front. Mark doesn’t shove him off though, just spreads his knees out a bit further so Donghyuck can fall into him more, warm breathe against his ears as Mark continues to massage his head.

He can feel Mark’s body trembling behind him, either from holding Donghyuck’s waist or the fact that there’s an energy in the air that they have been plaguing them all summer, lingering touches and soft kisses on parts of skin when they wake up in the morning. They don’t talk about it, don’t think of it as anything more than how they’ve always been, but when Mark buries his head into Donghyuck’s skin, fingers tracing circles around his naval, Donghyuck entertains the idea of something more, and when Mark looks up, a soft smile on his lips and sleep still in his eyes, Donghyuck dares to dream that Mark is thinking of something more too.

A flash of lightning draws Donghyuck from his thoughts, jolting both him and Mark up. It starts pouring, soft patters against the windowsill growing louder as it casts the inside of Mark’s room, the window above his bed letting his bedsheets get wet. Donghyuck loves storms, loves the energy behind them, the chaos of it all, but Mark doesn’t, Mark’s terrified of them, especially the summer storms that can lead to other dangerous things. He never really told Donghyuck why he’s scared of them, but Donghyuck thinks it must be because of something back in Canada. He had heard of windstorms being so vicious it felt like the whole house could shake. 

Mark gets up, lifting his leg over Donghyuck’s head to scoot out of the chair, and closes the window, moving to grab an old shirt to soak up the water that already leaked in. It helps the noise, the bite of wind and pops of thunder more distant now, but Donghyuck can tell Mark is still a bit scared, looking out the window with big eyes toes the damage outside, tree branches falling to the ground. 

“Come here,” Donghyuck says to him, sprawling his arms out and Mark easily crawls in, letting the younger hush him with soft cooes and rock them back and forth. The first time it stormed Donghyuck had done something similar, latching himself onto Mark like his mother use to do to him when he was little, singing him soft lullabies in his favorite rocking chair. Now, Mark is used to it. Breathes in the smell of Donghyuck, sweat, and B.O. and all, distracting himself from the havoc outside.

Donghyuck’s hair is starting to burn by the time it starts to calm down, Mark pulling away and Donghyuck realizes he must have fallen asleep, his face red from wherein rested on Donghyuck’s chest, eyes a bit puffy with sleep. “Wash your hair?” he mumbles out, rubbing at his eyes. 

Mark lends him a hand to get up and guides him to the bathroom in the dark. He runs Donghyuck’s hair under the bath, forcing the younger boy to lean over the edge in an uncomfortable position while Mark sits on the ledge, running his fingers through his strands, purple washing out underneath it. 

When he pulls Donghyuck up with a slight hum, he wraps a towel around his head and gently pats it. “Gonna look so good Hyuckie,” he says and Donghyuck is starting to get sleepy just from the sound of Mark’s voice alone. He wonders if he’s ever been so at peace with another before, like how Mark is now with him, cuddling into him like he’s the only source of warmth in the home. It’s about 4 a.m., a time the boys have stayed up too many times before when they were a few years younger, huddled under Mark’s comforter telling scary stories to one another. 

But now the hour feels different. It’s the way Mark looks like he’s already asleep, looks so pliant as he rubs Donghyuck’s back as they walk back into Mark’s room, picking up their mess and throwing it into the corner of the room, Mark crawling into his bed and lifting the sheet up for Donghyuck to follow, no words needed to convey his exhaustion, that he expects Donghyuck to join him. When it's 4 a.m. and you’re this tired and this comfortable at home, in your own room, Donghyuck thinks that's who you really are. Usually, it's only yourself who is with you at that moment in time, even when you’re with others there's a sort of act you put on, a sort of energy fueling how you behave, but this, the way Mark wraps his hands around Donghyuck’s neck and is unapologetic about the way he winds their legs together, the way Donghycuk watches him get comfortable before falling asleep, seeing someone asleep, seeing how someone acts before they rest, it all feels so incredibly intimate. 

Donghyuck’s not tired at all. Mark’s drooling on his shoulder and his arms gone asleep from the weight of Mark’s body on him.

He doesn’t really mind though, how could he. 

Really, it's been a growing feeling inside him for some time now. The way he catches himself looking at Mark a little longer after he’s finished talking. Or the way his stomach does flips when Mark touches him out of nowhere. He wonders if Mark can hear the clambering of his heart when they cuddle up at night, sweat sticking them together like glue, too tired for the other to find their way home so they crash together and wake up to drink orange juice and eat burnt toast and spend another day in the other’s company.

Really, Donghyuck knows he’s in love with Mark, probably has been for a while now. And he should probably do something about that, but settles for how things are, for Mark tucked under his arm, for Mark turning to him for comfort when a bolt of lightning strikes outside, for Mark’s hands in his hair, dying it purple, for Mark sitting outside his apartment waiting for him. How can he risk losing all this when he’s about to lose Mark altogether?

———

When they awake the next morning at around noon, their skin sticks together and burns a bit when Donghyuck pulls his legs away from Mark’s, reminds him of the feeling when your thighs stick to a booth. Not fully awake yet, he stumbles his way into Mark’s bathroom. He feels sweaty and gross and stinky, starting the water to the shower without thinking much about it, letting the cold water run over his body, soaking his t-shirt as he stands under the water head. 

A knock on the door forces Donghyuck to finally come to his senses, fully opening his eyes for the first time that morning. He opens the door without asking who it is, and is unsurprised when Mark squeezes in. 

“Scoot over, let me in.” He says and weasels his way into the shower too. At least he has the common sense to take his shirt off first. They both just stand there for a bit, letting the cool water fall onto them, heads resting against the backsplash. 

“It's too hot.” Donghyuck groans as he steps out, wiping his wet feet on the fluffy bathroom rug. Mark’s mom will yell at him about it later. 

“It’s ‘cause of the storm.” Mark offers as an explanation, not that Donghyuck needed one. Whenever it cools as much as it does the night before, a heatwave is likely on its way to make up for it. The mix of weather and temperatures could create a tornado on really bad days. Donghyuck wonders if it will storm again tonight. 

They decide to go to the pool that afternoon to cool off. The floor in Mark’s apartment would stick to their feet when they walked so it seemed like their only solution would be to get it out. Ignoring the fact kids pee probably overtook the water amount and the cement along the edge of the pool burnt the bottoms of their feet when they moved from the hot plastic fold-down chairs to the water, they need some release from the late August heat. 

Afterward, when Donghyuck sat under the shade of a colorful umbrella, chewing down on some peanut butter crackers, Mark had leaned forward and rested his head on Donghyuck’s shoulder, releasing a yawn. Swimming always wore them out, and they had been under the sun for hours, Mark’s back bright red despite applying sunscreen before getting in, it’s effectiveness had worn off hours again. 

His hair is still a bit damp on Donghyuck’s shoulder and it invades his space, all of his senses. It smells like apples though, so Donghyuck doesn’t really mind, instead, burying his nose into it. He knows the smell is from Mark’s little sister's spray-on hair detangler that Mark also likes to spray in his hair after he gets out of the pool, combing through it and letting his natural waves thrive. It’s always so much wavier and fluffier after they swim, the chlorine and chemicals enhancing its craziness, bringing it to its full potential.

Mark’s scalp must be burnt a bit as well because when Donghyuck pushes his nose in, inhaling the smell, Mark lets out a groan and pulls his head up, smacking his skull against Donghyuck’s chin, a CLACK of Donghyuck’s teeth being forcibly pushed together as his jaw shuts. 

“Oh fuck Hyuck I’m sorry.”

“Mmm.” Donghyuck groans, eyes still closed to help him fight back tears. “I bit my tongue,” he spits out, sticking his tongue our for Mark to see the bit of blood at the tip of it, opening his own eyes to look down at it, going cross-eyed. Mouth fully out he tries to talk around it , “look what you done,” he says, knowing Mark probably can’t understand the last bit.

“What can I do?” 

Donghyuck just pouts more. 

“You want a root beer float?” he asks, and Donghyuck perks up, “my treat,” he says slapping the younger boy’s thigh 

They head to the corner store, the sun’s heat seeming a little less glaring as Donghyuck walks with Mark’s hand in his his. When it was so hot like this Donghyuck craved something sweet. He knew Mark preferred just drinking a bunch of water like a normal, healthy person, but he sucked it up for Donghyuck. 

Donghyuck watches as the lady behind the counter scolded when Mark only paid the fifty cents it cost for a large fountain pop, ignoring the fact he poured the soft service ice cream into the cup, smiling big and bright when Mark hands him his cup. A cherry sits on top of the treat, Mark must have stolen it from the sundae station when Donghyuck wasn’t looking. Mark shoots him a wink when Donghyuck notices. 

They decide to rest outside against the hot brick of the building and Donghyuck decides to flop down onto the asphalt, rock embedding marks into his legs. Mark hands Donghyuck his cherry as he squats down, shorts ridding up when he sits. Donghyuck sends him the sweetest smile he can manage— he knows he’s so spoiled. 

He plops the cherry in between his lips, sucking it in with a plop and then bites down, releasing an explosion of juice so sweet it almost makes Donghyuck’s already dry and dehydrated throat hurt. A bit of the stem comes off with it makes it harder to chew, he rolls the stem in his mouth around his tongue, soaking up every last bit of flavor.

Mark’s watching him, Donghyuck knows, eyes focusing on Donghyuck’s lips, It makes his stomach do flips, but he tries to ignore it. Instead he focuses on the trail melted ice cream thats fallen off Mark’s spoon onto his thigh. The cold white cream slides down Mark’s upper thigh, dripping onto the ground slowly. Donghyuck, without really thinking, wipes it off Mark’s skin with his thumb, bringing it to his mouth to suck the sweet cream off his thumb. Mark watches the actions carefully with his eyes, an intensity Donghyuck had not seen from him before, eyes almost hooded. Donghyuck wants to see it more, so he sucks his thumb even more, letting out a groan. The noise pulls Mark from his trance, like he’s been shocked, he jolts back up from his squat so he’s standing, hovering above Donghyuck, his shadow cast over the younger boy. 

Donghyuck crawls off the ground to be at eye level.

“So ugh anyways do you have any plans today?”

“Mark it’s like 4 pm.”

“Do you wanna go to Johnny’s?

“Not really,” Johnny’s house always smelled damp and it would mean Mark’s other friends would be there, stealing him away from Donghyuck. “Why?”

“I heard he stole a DVD from Kim’s on the corner … he’s inviting everyone over to watch.”

“What kind?” Donghyuck asks, finally opening his eyes just in time to catch Mark’s cheeks turn slightly pink, the tip of his ears matching. 

“You know…one of those…from the backroom” For being the older of the two, Mark was still so innocent. 

“Cute,” Donghyuck coos. 

He finds himself squished between Jeno and Jaemin, a situation that would be more than pleasing if they weren’t all gathered around Johnny’s VCR in the basement in early August with no air conditioner watching a porno.

When Mark says everyone, he means both their group of friends, which is simply way too many people in the basement of Johnny’s house. Thus, the squishy situation in which Donghyuck know finds himself. Mark is sitting behind Donghyuck on the couch, Donghyuck squeezed between his legs. He presses backward, closer to Mark, in an attempt to scoot farther away from Jeno and Jaemin. He looks up at Mark when he moves, and sees his face is bright red. He can feel Mark’s hand on his back, tracing circles. Next to Mark is Johnny, who looks entirely  
too queasy about the film considering he was the one who suggested it.

A horrified Taeyong sits in the armchair, a hand covering Jisung’s eyes while Jisung attempts to pat it away. Donghyuck would have to thank Taeyong for trying to save a semblance of his younger brother’s innocence. Renjun seems not to care about Chenle’s though, seeing as the younger was sitting next to Wong Yukhei, their noses practically touching the screen. Behind them, Kim Doyoung is playing on his Nintendo, unfazed.

There the eleven boys were, crammed into a hot basement with moaning and other wet noises Donghyuck would have been happy with never hearing in his life filling the air. 

“God Johnny, please turn this off.” Taeyong finally cracks after a man in a golden thong enters the scene. Donghyuck kind of liked that part but he would never admit it. 

“What Yong? Redheads ain’t your thing? If you want, I can rewind it to the girl with platinum blonde. I know how much you like that these days.” Johnny smirks at him. Doyoung’s hair is, conveniently, blonde.

“That's enough Johnny I think if you play anymore Yukhei might slip into the TV himself,” Doyoung mutters.

“Hey, I’ve never seen anything like this before! Did you see how that girl bent her legs? How is that even possible? Shit, if I could learn to do that my dancing could really improve…” 

Everyone laughs a little too hard at that. Amidst the giggling, Mark slips down to the ground next to Donghyuck, pushing Jeno out of the way. He’s still drawing circles on him, but now his hand finds itself on Donghyuck’s thigh.

“Yukhei, you would watch porn and only think about the techniques. God, can’t someone just wanna go through normal teenage boy stuff with me?” Johnny pouts.

“Johnny you’re like twenty years old,” Jisung says with a playful smile that Donghyuck had taught him. Johnny fakes being wounded, a hand covering his heart as he keels over, “You all hurt me, let's see if I invite any of you over again.”

And, as always, Mark gets up, the warmth next to Donghyuck’s side escaping, and puts a comforting arm around the boy, “There's always me, J” 

Johnny, quick to recover from the alleged inflections they cast towards him shoves Mark off him, “Ya, like I’d want you anyways,” he teases, “you reek of Donghyuck nowadays.” 

“Ooooh is Johnny jealous?” Donghyuck asks the older boy, he makes sure he smiles and turns on that glisten in his eye that makes Johnny swoon.

“Oh Hyuckie,” Johnny smiles back just as bright, “How can I ever stay mad when you look like that?”

Mark’s flops back down next to Donghyuck, hand returning to his thigh. “Now I’m getting jealous,” he says. 

“Gross, get a room you two,” Chenle says, having finally come back from reality. 

“Like you can say anything, you almost pulled it out right here when the thong guy came in,” Mark fights back.

“Language,” Taeyong mutters, mainly to himself. 

“At least we won’t have to worry about that anymore here soon,” Doyoung says, casually with a laugh-filled smile on his face, but then drooping near the end as if he realized what he was saying. He means it as a joke, of course, but the words cut like a knife at the moment, bringing them all back to reality and realizing how little time they have left. 

Mark’s hand freezes on Hyuck’s thigh. Donghyuck wonders if Mark can feel how tense he is, how much he wishes Mark would stay. 

“And…. on that note, I think it's time we head out,” Mark says. Doyoung shoots him an apologetic look and Johnny pulls him into a hug, whispering words that Donghyuck can’t hear. Renjun squeezes Hyuck’s thigh before helping him up. It's a small act but holds so much meaning. We’ll talk about this later, it says. Donghyuck hopes he’ll forget. 

———

The walk back from Johnny’s house to Donghyuck and Mark’s complex is only a few blocks, but, on nights like tonight when summer is just about to end, there is a feeling of needing to avoid sleep because sleep brings the next day and that starts the countdown towards their bliss being shattered. The walk takes a bit longer. Mark leads him down one alley, and the next, until they reach the park that they really shouldn’t be in at night but with Mark, it feels okay. Donghyuck takes a swing, Mark pushes him lightly.

“Higher!” And Mark is always one to listen to Donghyuck’s demands so he pulls the swing back and back then runs forward and releases the younger boy upwards as he slips out from below. All Donghyuck can see is the night sky as if it's his canvas— there's Cassiopeia and Orion's belt— then he's back down going into another swing— and there's Mark with his shiny eyes and a big tooth smile— Donghyuck isn’t sure which one is more beautiful, the sights blurring before his eyes dizzily. 

“What are you looking at?” Mark pulls him out of his thoughts, a glint in his eye and a smirk playing at his lip. 

“Your ugly face,” Hyuck replies. 

“Mhm.” Mark simply says and laughs. “God, did you hear what Johnny said tonight about Taeyong and blondes? If I were Taeyong I’d kill him. He practically turned into a tomato after.” Mark’s voice is excited, rising higher with genuine amazement as he speaks. His purity and outlook so genuine it takes Donghyuck’s breath away sometimes.

“Someone needed to say it. Taeyong’s had a crush on Doyoung since they were kids. He needs to just get it over with and confess.” Donghyuck says, reaching his hand out to feel the wind flow through his open fingers as he swings. 

“Ah, ya, but it’s scary. I mean they’ve been friends for so long, what if it changes things?” Mark’s whining a bit, he doesn’t do it often and Donghyuck isn’t even sure if he notices he does it sometimes, because surely if he did he’d understand why they all call him cute.

“Of course its going to change things,” Donghyuck rolls his eyes at Mark. Sometimes it feels like he’s the older one of the two, “but isn’t that better than whatever they have going on now. Have you seen how Doyoung looks at Taeyong? He clearly likes him back”

“How can you be so sure?”

“It's like this. I mean look at Jeno and Jaemin too. They smile a bit longer, laugh a bit harder, they’re together all the time. It's so obvious” 

“Ya well, you also use to look at Jeno like that.” Mark bites. He doesn’t mean it harshly, doesn’t mean to have so much venom laced in his words, and Donghyuck knows this, but he can’t help but feel a bit hurt by it, by Mark using this as a weapon to win his argument. 

It's an unspeakable knowledge between Mark and him that he had feelings for Jeno, emphasis on the had. One night, a few years back when Jeno had told Donghyuck about his growing crush on Jaemin, Hyuck had sought out Mark and cried in his arms for hours, revealing so much. Mark and he were barely friends yet, mainly conversing about basketball games and funny jokes, not matters of the heart. They had grown closer that night, spending more time together ever since. Something had shifted when Mark kissed Donghyuck’s hand and told him he’ll find someone for him, and if not he had Mark. 

“You know that's over with…” Donghyuck’s voice now sounds meek to his ears, a contrast to before when he was so confident in his analysis of relationships.

“We never really talked about it though. He was your first love right?” Mark’s pushing Donghyuck harder, higher. His voice steady with no indication of emotions, which is how Donghyuck knows he’s upset, too calm to be anything otherwise. 

Donghyuck had truthfully never thought about Jeno as his first love. He supposes he was his first unconditional love, besides his family. Jeno was a grounding presence in his life and sometimes Donghyuck wonders if maybe that’s what he was in love with. The stability Jeno represented. But they were so young when Donghyuck had a crush on him, so unknowledgeable of his own self, for him to truly think he knew someone else was completely absurd upon reflection.

“Why are you asking this suddenly~~!” Donghyuck whines and kicks his legs, spinning in the seat slightly. He’s sick of the seriousness of this all, his stomach hurting a bit as if filled with vile when thinking of how Mark must see him, of thinking Mark might judge him. His plan works though, pulling him out of the deep end as Mark snickers at that inflection in Hyuck’s voice, grabbing the swing’s chains and pulling him to a stop, heels sliding in the wood chips to ground him. 

Mark turns the swing around so Donghyuck is facing him, a cross forming in the chain, making the seat feel tight and uncomfortable. He holds him into place though. His face suddenly serious, eyes searching in Hyuck’s face for something Donghyuck’s not sure of. Donghyuck realizes its not over, it may never be. He realizes, all at once, that something is about to happen, can feel it in his blood, he feels himself getting goosebumps.

“Sometimes… I think you look at me like that too.” Mark gulps, voice so quiet Hyuck thinks he’s imagined it. Mark’s avoiding eye contact, staring down at his feet and Hyuck can’t blame him, he himself so startled by the confession he’s sure his mouth is open, eyes wide.

“I— I didn’t think you knew.” He manages out.

“How could I not when I’m looking at you too,” Mark mumbles it, fidgeting a bit as he does, the chains rattling above Donghyuck’s head.

“You…” his brain’s unable to comprehend the situation, let alone come up with words to communicate his thoughts. “You like me?”

“Well ya…” Mark says, finally looking back up from the ground with a smile so wide and blinding Donghyuck feels undeserving to bask in the presence of, “Figured it was time I told you before it was too late.”

He’s never seen Mark this happy, except maybe when Toronto’s Maple Leafs won the Stanley cup. It was 4 a.m. in Korea and Mark was in Donghyuck’s bed watching the match on his phone. He woke the younger boy up with a kick and a slap on his stomach to celebrate. 

Mark’s parents made a Canadian breakfast that morning. Mark spilled his hot coffee on his lap but his smile never slipped.

The fondness of this all hits Donghyuck suddenly, of how bright of a light Mark is in his life, of how much he enjoys sitting next to him, bugging him to the point that it is probably a crime Mark hasn’t murdered him. The shy quiet boy growing into himself and learning to pester Donghyuck all the same. He thinks of how Mark cuddles into him like a newborn kitten, head pushing into the crevice of Hyuck’s neck and shoulder, purring into his ear when he’s so content. And Donghyuck, who was never a fan of cats, starts to reconsider his commitment to being a dog person.

These memories mixed with Mark’s confession takes Donghyuck’s breath away, and he realizes he’s left Mark’s unspoken question, if Donghyuck likes him back, unanswered. But God Mark, how dense can you be to not see the obvious? Donghyuck’s loved him for so long, before he even properly knew what love was, long before he had even met Mark he had loved him, even when he thought he had loved Jeno he had loved Mark. He thinks his entire presence on this planet was made to love Mark. He thinks he would happily love Mark for the rest of his life, even if Mark didn’t love him. It's overwhelming the amount of love within him, a passion he never knew he was capable of, a buzzy feeling entering from his toes and up to his stomach, further up into his neck and head. He feels on fire. 

But to explain this all to Mark would be impossible, he loves him too much to be able to talk about it. 

He kisses Mark. It is much too hurried and harsh. More a clatter of teeth than lips really. He has to stand up from the swing to reach Mark’s lips, causing the swing to unravel and the chain hit Donghyuck on the back of his head. He moans and Mark giggles, a slob of spit trailing on his lip as he pulls away to stop the swing’s motion. And then he’s back, much gentler than Donghyuck had managed. Hot breath against his cheeks before disappearing into his own mouth. Mark’s lips are soft, a bit chapped and Donghyuck bites on the already peeled skin. Mark whimpers and grabs a fistful of Donghyuck’s hair in retaliation. Mark tastes like peaches, a semblance of the snack they had shared earlier. Donghyuck imagines the juice gushing out from behind Mark’s lips, sweet nectar landing on Hyuck’s own swollen lips. He places his hands around Mark’s neck, can feel Mark’s pulse beating so fast and Hyuck knows his is the same. His thumb idly flicks the bottom of Mark’s ear, rubs the stud earring he got pierced a couple of months ago. 

Mark’s enjoying the moment just as much as Donghycuk, his hands slipping under Hyuck’s shirt, fingers grazing his stomach. It causes Donghyuck to recoil at the touch, too ticklish for the light sensation of Mark’s fingers on his abdomen but Mark doesn’t let him get far, pulling him close so his hand is flesh against Donghyuck’s skin, lips now moving below his jaw. He’s whispering something but Donghyuck is too drunk at the moment, to caught up with how dangerously close Mark’s palm is to the rising tension happening in his boxers, to listen. 

“Hyuckie,” Mark breathily repeats into the corner of Donghyuck’s mouth, sending vibrations through Donghyuck’s body. It's a sensation that Donghyuck knows will play on repeat in his mind when he’s alone in his room. Mark’s lips saying his name, pressed up against his own skin, breathe hot and wet, his teeth grazing skin just slightly upon pronouncing the “ck" sound of his name. 

“hmm?” is all Hyuck manages to reply and Mark snickers at him, burying his head into the crook of Donghyuck’s neck. 

“Hyuckie it's late~” he sings at him but kisses once more below Donghyuck’s ear lobe all the same. “We should get going.”

“You.” He Mark’s mole on the side of his neck, Mark arching to give him better access, his teeth trail up the column of his neck, moving back to Mark’s face, kissing the mole on his cheek too and the back down to Mark’s pink lips, breathing out the rest of his words. “Started it.” His tongue pushes back into Mark’s mouth then and Mark squirms under his touch, pulling away with a laugh. “I literally didn’t,” he whines, and Donghyuck wonders if he really is the older one between them. He loves seeing Mark like this, all soft and cute, a side that Mark tries to deny exists but comes out of him so naturally, Donghyuck thinks anything else is the real facade.

And like clockwork, a drop of water lands on Donghyuck’s head. And then another, and another, until his face is dripping wet, water droplets mixing in with kisses. A loud boom pulls them away from each other but Mark, for once, doesn’t look scared of the incoming storm at all.

“Let's go home,” he whispers into Donghyuck’s ear, kisses his lips softly once more before pulling away. And Donghyuck, like always, follows.

———

“Mark and I kissed.” Donghyuck blurts out before Renjun even gets through the door of their apartment, nerves, and excitement taking over him. He’s kept his promise from the day before at Johnny’s to discuss what’s been going on with Donghyuck lately. 

Renjun, for his part, doesn’t look at all that surprised. “Can I come in?” he asks instead, raising an eyebrow. He looks exhausted of Donghyuck already. 

Donghyuck ushers him in, sneaking them into Jisung’s room to play on his Nintendo. He and Chenle have been gone since early this morning and Donghyuck’s decided he’d rather not know why. 

“We’ve actually kissed a few times. And like said we like each other?” Donghyuck says as he fiddles with his control stick, Mario skewing off the road. “Fuck” He mumbles while Renjun cheers. “Let's go Peach!!!” 

“Were you even listening to me?” Donghyuck asks him as he passes through the finish line, landing in seventh. It’s unheard of for him to do this bad at Mario Cart. Renjun sighs as he puts his controller down, climbing from off the ground onto Jisung’s bed next to Donghyuck. 

“You do realize Mark leaves in like two weeks?” he says. 

“Please don’t remind me,” Donghyuck whines out.  
“Have you talked to him about what that means for you?"

“Not really. I don't know we’ve been busy. It doesn’t seem like that big of a deal.” Donghyuck says with a pout, it’s been good, him and Mark. Mark and him last night felt really good; actually, a type of feeling Donghyuck hadn’t experienced before. He has touched himself before, of course, but Mark's hands down his pants stroking him softly, a hand covering Hyuck’s mouth to keep him quiet in case Mark’s parents hear, was something brand new. Mark gazed at him with so much awe it alone could have made Hyuck cum. He’d never felt so admired, so worshipped.

“Okay ew,” Renjun says as if he can read Donghyuck’s thoughts. “It might be good now but you only have so much time left before he goes. And rather or not you want to admit it, this is kind of a big deal.” 

“It doesn’t feel that big I guess… it just feels like a relief. No more pining, you know?” Donghyuck says because it's true. Things hadn’t changed too drastically since the night before, both giggly at breakfast the next morning sneaking shy glances at the other, not scared to look away now that the truth was out. When Donghyuck had finally dragged himself out of Mark’s arms to head home, their goodbye now featured a lewd make out session that made Donghyuck dizzy and thinking he really should have confessed earlier. 

“Okay yes, but everything that is you and Mark is going to be uprooted when he leaves to go live on a different continent Hyuck. Your friendship was already going to have to figure out how you were going to make a literal 17 hour time difference not get in your way, but now you have to add sex to this mix too.” 

Donghyuck groans, laying back onto the mattress, hair flopping away from his face. Everything Donghyuck had told Mark the night before unraveling with Rennin’s words, realizing he was such an idiot, such a fool to think things would only change for the better, to be so blinded, to think what him and Mark have can even be compared to the others, that it’s as easy as Donghyuck thought things would be. And in that moment, he feels so cold, feels his stomach hurt again like the night before, feels embarrassed by each kiss and each moan he let out with Mark next to him. 

Renjun lays down next to him, cuddles into his side, his voice low, careful, in Donghyuck’s ear “I didn’t mean to upset you Hyuck, I just worry for you is all.”

“I just don’t want to lose him Junnie.” Hyuck pouts, turning over so he can face Renjun. He breathes in, hoping his tears won’t slip out. 

“You have to tell him that, not me,” Renjun whispers, his hand moving cup Donghyuck’s cheek, wiping away a stray tear. “He’d be stupid to let you go.” He kisses Donghyuck’s nose. They don’t do this often, show each other their softer side, but when they do, Donghyuck feels like he’s home, feels like he is safe. 

“God. I’m so stupid. I thought you’d come over and we’d celebrate me popping my Mark Lee cherry, not crying over him leaving.”

Renjun snickers at that. “We can celebrate that too, once you figure it out. It’ll be okay Hyuckie.” 

Donghyuck trusts Renjun, takes his words more seriously than anyone else, even Mark’s sometimes. But now, when he tells him that, he just can’t manage to convince himself it’s true.

It gnaws at him later that night once the suns set and the night cools the block down. Mark stopped by to see him after Renjun left, he had just gotten back from a baseball game with Johnny downtown that Johnny’s dad’s boss had gotten them tickets for. Mark’s nose and cheeks are burnt red, his shoulders already peeling a bit, and Donghyuck claws at the skin, finding it satisfying when a larger chunk breaks off. Mark hisses at that, the skin underneath it still sensitive and soft. Donghyuck makes him drink several glasses of water and rubs aloe into Mark’s skin. Mark has to sleep naked on top of Donghyuck’s bedsheets because it hurts his skin too much to touch anything, feels like it's melting into me, he mumbles to Donghyuck as he helps Mark peel his shirt off carefully. 

Mark’s laying next to him now, snoring just a bit. He’s sprawled out completely. Donghyuck’s twin-sized bed was already getting too small for him, let alone him and Mark, so he’s pushed upright against the wall, it cold against his side. He picks at the chipping paint, back to Mark, unable to fully look at him. Mark must have noticed earlier that something was off with Donghyuck, must have noticed that his face was a bit puffy after crying with Renjun, eyes a bit red, but he didn’t say anything, always knew when Donghyuck was ready to speak, he would. But they don’t have that much time left together, and to speak about them, about what this thing is between them now, could go bad, could break Donghyuck’s heart and he’s not ready for that. His mind is flooded by how bad things could go, how Mark could view him as just something fun to end the summer with, something comfortable about Donghyuck that Mark settled with, a sense of normalcy before his world changes forever, and Mark must be eager for that change, right? Mark Lee and his amazing singing voice and bright smile and he’s so much better than Donghyuck. What if Hyuck holds him back, reminds him of where he comes from and not where he’s going? It’s absurd really, for him to think Mark Lee would even spare a thought to Donghyuck when he's clearly meant for so much more and is heading right towards that bright shining future in less than two weeks while Donghyuck remains frozen in his past. 

He curls inward a bit more, body pressing flush against the wall now, nothing touch Mark, thinking that it would be him who would burn at the touch now. When he closes his eyes, he selfishly prays for Mark to stay.

———

The only solution to this aching headache of a problem that is Mark Lee is to get drunk. Donghyuck really doesn't drink that much. Mark would be the only person he’d even know that could help him figure out a way to get liquor, and Mark saves those activities for his older friends, shielding Donghyuck from the horrors. 

Donghyuck would be lying if he said a part of him didn’t want to get drunk just to spite Mark. Maybe he wanted to prove that he could fit in with him too, even in places he didn’t belong before. And maybe he wanted to prove it himself even more.

So, when Donghyuck texts Yukhei with a plea and several uwu emojis, Yukhei is naturally a bit shocked, but willing to comply out of curiosity. Donghyuck couldn't turn to Taeyong or Doyoung because they'd say no and reprimand him and couldn't turn to Johnny cause he’d tell mark, who would also reprimand him. Yukhei, on the other hand, is a giant ball of giggles and fun times. down for anything in the moment.

That's why Yukhei was so popular, everyone radiated towards him as if he was the sun, he certainly smiled just as brightly. He gathered friends from all around the city it seemed. One said friend, named Ten, was having a kickback at his place that night. Free booze, Yukhei said, and Hyuck needn’t hear more.

Yukhei whistles at him through his rolled down window as he picks Donghyuck up, loud EDM music blasting from the car, and for a split second, Donghyuck regrets this decision. He thinks to himself he needs to text Mark and tell him what’s going on, but then remembers that sort of defeats the point of all this. He needs to not be thinking of Mark and his stupid handsome face or his amazingly soft singing voice that’s going to take him far far away from Donghyuck. He really doesn’t need to be thinking about the worried look Mark gave him this morning when he rushed out of his room much earlier than expected of him, running off an excuse that Jeno needed his help with something so Donghyuck could get out of there, suffocating with questions and bad thoughts. He ended up at the library a few blocks over, hiding in the corner of nonfiction. Mark had texted him asking if he was okay, Donghyuck left it on read and texted Yukhei instead.

“So what's up? Why the sudden text?” Yukhei interrupts Hyuck’s thoughts as they hit a red light. He takes a sip out of the red solo cup in the holders in between them. It's a sort of neon blue color that Donghyuck really thinks Yukhei shouldn’t be drinking while he’s driving.

“I don't know.” He shrugs nonchalantly. “I haven’t really been out before, thought it would be fun.”

“Cool, cool” Yukhei nods, patting his hands on legs to the beat of the song, “But why text me, and not like Mark? Figured you’d wanna go out with him.”

“Not everything I do has to involve Mark.” He bites back, words fiercer than he intended. 

“No, of course not, I just thought…” Yukhei traces off, shrinks in and Donghyuck feels awful like he just kicked a puppy. 

“Sorry, Xuxi.” He decides to be honest, “It’s just been hard, with Mark leaving. I need a break from it all. To let loose”

And with that Yukhei seems to understand, he flashes him a smile and squeezes his thigh, “Well you’ve come to the right guy.” He says as he floors the gas, sending them speeding into the night.

They end up near some college campus on the other side of the city, outside a shabby looking apartment with red solo cups and— is that vomit?— littering the yard. Some girls walk by in heels, stumbling as they go, and across the way, a group of frat brothers hop on the campus bus, likely to take them to the next party. One of the apartment's windows is bursting with colorful lights, strobing to presumingly the beat of a song Donghyuck can just make out as he makes his way up the stairs into the building, Yukhei leading the way. 

The kickback itself is much more of a party than Donghyuck had thought it would be. There are already several couples making out on some dirty couch in the corner of the room, a cheap disco light bouncing colors off the walls, and a massive amount of glitter dumped onto the kitchen island. Ten’s pouring himself a slushy drink when they arrive into the cramped apartment, shoving pass bodies to even get through the door. 

“Lucas! You came!” Ten shouts upon seeing the taller boy. 

“Lucas?” Donghyuck asks him under his breath. 

“It’s my English name.” Lucas replies, “Ayo Ten, what's up.” He shouts back in choppy English, a big grin plastering on his face as he pulls Ten into a hug. “This is my friend, Donghyuck.”

“As in Mark’s Donghyuck.”

Donghyuck’s certain he’s bright red but replies, “the very one,” with a smile so deadly even Ten seems to back away from whatever games he had set to play on the younger boy.

“Well come in, grab a drink. Yangyang’s got weed in my room if you’re interested.” Ten winks at them before looking behind them, something else catching his eye “Dejun! What are you doing with that? Put it down!” And he’s off. 

“Can I get you something?”

“I don’t really know what I like.”

“Neither do I.” Lucas’s smile is warm and Donghyuck appreciates how Yukhei’s trying to not make him feel uncomfortable in this strange environment. “You just drink it to get drunk, not for the taste.” 

He ends up pouring them several shots of tequila, pouring salt on his hand, and tells Donghyuck to lick it after he swallows. He winks as he says it and Donghyuck can’t help the blush that spreads across his cheeks. He downs them in a line, barely breathing between shots, feeling it sting inside his nostril, and oh god that tastes awful, and he grabs Yukhei’s hand and sucks the salt off, mouthing at like his life depends on it. When he looks up, his mouth still on Yukhei’s hand, Yukhei’s mouth is open, eyes are big. “Um.” He says.

“Let's not do that again,” Donghyuck says, wiping his mouth off with his own hand as he pulls away. He already feels dizzy and warm. And Yukhei’s laughing, agreeing, but taking his own shots to “catch up” with Donghyuck, he says.

They both get way too drunk than Donghyuck thinks is possible considering the “tiny little glasses we drank out of” and tells Yukhei as such with a pout. Yukhei nods in feverish agreement. “It was like an ant portion. An ant could drink that.” Yukhei says, both to himself and Donghyuck.

It’s all so ridiculous that Donghyuck can’t stop giggling, which then causes Yukhei to giggle too until they're holed up in the kitchen, Donghyuck sitting on the counter and Yukhei standing between his legs both dying in a fit of laughs. Taylor Swift's voice draws them out of their trance, blaring out of Yukhei’s phone. “It’s Mark,” he slurs, tilting his head sideways to read his phone upside down in his hand. He slides to answer, “Hey Markus what's up.” He says in what sounds like English but really Donghyuck isn’t sure if it’s a language at all. 

“I’m with Donghyuck now actually!” He’s looking for you, he mouths to Donghyuck and Donghyuck feels like a deer caught in headlights. “Uh-huh, yeah, uh-huh, okay.” Yukhei nods to whatever it is Mark is saying. “He wants to talk to you,” He says, pulling the phone away and offering it to Donghyuck.

“Me?” Hyuck says pointing to himself. Yukhei simply nods, nudging his chest with the phone. 

“Where are you?” Mark’s voice is firm on the other line but panicked as if he’s out of breath. 

“At some party of Yukhei’s friend. I think his name was like, eleven?” Donghyuck squeals out as Yukhei hits him when he says eleven, correcting him with big eyes and a bigger smile, “Sorry I mean Ten,” Donghyuck laughs and Yukhei’s leaning over him in a fit of laugher too. 

Mark sighs but Donghyuck’s too drunk to notice his annoyance. “That's all the way across town.”

“I don't know…Yukhei drove me here.” He says, muffling his laughs. 

“No I'm not asking Hyuck I know where it is.” Mark sighs again and Donghyuck can’t help but mimic it, making Yukhei laugh even more. His smile is refreshing and Donghyuck likes that he can make it so big across his handsome face. “Wait, Yukhei took you?” Mark asks, “How’d you even get with Yukhei?”

“I texted him silly.” 

“But why though?” Mark asks, now he just sounds a bit sad, “You know, forget it, I’m coming to get you.”

“But why?” Donghyuck pouts, “I'm having so much fun with Yukhei. He’s so funny, Markie, and nice to me, even if his hand is salty.” he says and giggles, Yukhei giggles too, right into the speaker for Mark to hear.

Mark’s tune changes completely. It's silent at first on the other end, then he says, “Stay there,” and hangs up.

When Mark arrives, Donghyuck’s covered in sweat from dancing. It’s a crowded space and Donghyuck’s been pressed up against Yukhei, hands gripping to Donghyuck tightly to fit their bodies onto the dance floor with some semblance of comfortably. It’s nice, Donghyuck thinks a bit, with Yukhei’s standing so close to him Donghyuck can smell his cologne, it smells like vanilla and musk, Mark’s smells like honey and rain. He thinks it would be nice if it was Yukhei he liked, Yukhei who makes him laugh hard and is so eager about everything. They could work, in another time, in another place, Donghyuck thinks. He’ll stay around probably, helping at his family restaurant and Donghyuk could get on there too, it’s a simple future but they’d have each other. 

But it’s not who Donghyuck likes. Donghyuck likes Mark and all the complexities the come with it. He likes Mark even when he throws up in his mother’s rose bush she planted outside their apartment, drunk from too many peach snaps they had snuck from Renjun’s parent’s liquor cabinet. He likes Mark even when liking Mark means Donghyuck might have to be alone, might not have any place in Marks future, he’ll still like Mark even if that's true, even if that happens because Mark is Mark and Donghyuck feels its simply a privilege to like him, let alone be liked back for one brief shining moment. 

All of these thoughts are hitting him at once and Donghyuck’s pretty sure he’s crying and suddenly he can’t breathe and Yukhei’s cologne is filling his nostrils and everyone is just so close. He tears himself out of the dance floor, running out of the apartment past Ten, past the smoke-filled room a lighter ablaze in the darkness, throwing himself out into the hallway, almost running into the wall as he does. 

His head leaning against it he braces himself and breathes. in and out, he tells himself, in and out. 

A hand touches his shoulder. “Hyuckie,” Marks says, pulling Donghyuck around to look at him. “Baby what is it? You're crying.” He wipes at Hyuck's tears, pulling the sleeve down on his sweatshirt to wipe Donghyucks nose with it. The intimacy of it all makes Donghyuck cry more, makes him feel like such an idiot.

“Come on, let's get you out of here,” Mark says as he takes Donghyuck’s hand in his and guides him out of the building, down to a car parked out front. Donghyuck recognizes it as Johnny’s dad's. Johnny sits behind the stirring while, a worried expression on his face but he doesn’t say anything when he sees Donghyuck.

“I’m just going to run back up, see if Yukhei’s good,” Mark says to Johnny as he buckles Donghyuck into his seat. “He’ll probably just crash with Ten but want to let him know I got Donghyuck.”

Johnny nods and starts the car, cold air blasting on Donghyuck’s face. 

“You really had us worried tonight kid,” Johnny says from the driver seat, his words floating back to Donghyuck and Donghyuck’s still not sober enough to really notice that Johnny’s talking, let alone talking to him. “never seen Mark get like this,” Johnny adds and at the mention of Mark’s name, Donghyuck props up, tucks his seat belt behind him leaning closer to the front, 

“Mark get like this?” He repeats the words back to Johnny, eyebrows furrowing together as he tries to concentrate on the conversation.

To Johnny’s credit, he just shakes his head and laughs softly at Donghyuck. “Mark was really freaked out, Hyuckie.” Johnny says, and looks at him through the driver’s mirror, his look is playful but his eyes are earnest, “When your mom said you were gone and none of the boys knew where you were…even Renjun who like knows all…Mark was freaked. And then Yukhei said you were with him and Mark finally took a breath I swear. Not sure he was super happy to have found you though.”

Donghyuck’s teeth stick together as he lets out a tss, “He doesn’t need to worry about me, I’m all grown.” He slurs, ignoring the levity of what Johnny’s saying.

Johnny lets out a scoff too, shares the moment with Donghyuck, and then pauses, unbuckling his own seatbelt so he can turn back and look at Donghyuck, leaning across the middle console, now completely serious. “Look, Hyuck, I didn't think this would need to be said but Mark’s probably in love with you sooooo naturally, he’s going to be a bit worried when he doesn’t hear from you, especially after he kisses you, and then you're nowhere to be found. He was so scared he broke you or something, ruined everything between you, that you hated his guts.”

“He told you all that?” Donghyuck asks, his voice soft, unsure. He doesn’t know why he suddenly feels so guilty but Johnny’s eyes are almost like a reflection, and for once he’s realizing the gravity of the situation.

“No, no,” Johnny says shaking his head, and he’s moving back into his seat, buckling up again and moves to turn the radio on, “Of course not. He told me he was worried things would change, but you told him it would be alright. That it would change for the better.” Johnny laughs a bit at that but Donghyuck knows its in mockery. “Didn’t take you to be a liar, Donghyuck.”

Donghyuck opens his mouth to speak, to maybe defend himself and his complete idiocy, but Mark’s opening the passenger side door, crawling in next to Donghyuck flashing a thumbs up to Johnny. He thinks he hears Johnny groveling about being a chauffeur and Mark laugh it off, tucking his hand into Donghyuck’s, rubbing circles on his thumb. 

They stop and order Donghyuck a Big Mac and chocolate milkshake at Mcdonalds after he whines and pouts till Mark can’t resist. Johnny calls Mark whipped as he hands the cashier his own debit card, then steals a sip of Donghyuck’s shake before handing it back to him. 

“Go to sleep duckie,” Mark says, and Donghyuck must have fallen asleep in the car, they must have carried him back into Mark’s apartment.

He cuddles into Mark’s side, an arm wrapping around the older boy’s waist. “Stay?” He mumbles out, face hidden into the crook of Mark’s neck. 

“Of course.” He thinks he hears Mark say, but he’s already falling back asleep.

———

Donghyuck wakes with a pounding headache and drenched in sweat, hot and uncomfortable. Mark’s laying next to him, likely the source of the heat, arms thrown across Donghyuck’s middle. They both still have their clothes on from yesterday, Donghyuck’s jeans so tight against his skin he hopes he can get them off. It’s still dark outside, the sun barely rising above the horizon, making the neighborhood look blue and soft through Donghyuck’s blinds.

“Mmmmmmm” Mark groans into his ear, breath warm. “Go back to sleep, Hyuckie”

Hyuck hits him on the chest playfully, turning on his side to look at Mark. “Can’t. You're snoring too loud.”

Mark smiles at that, eyes staying closed. Donghyuck has an urge to reach out and trace his features, so he does, feeling indestructible. His fingertips barely touch Mark’s skin, Mark’s eyes fluttering as he gets closer even though they’re still closed like he can feel Donghyuck’s presence getting closer. He drags the tip of his index down Mark’s nose, over his cupid’s bow, softly onto the bottom of his lips and Mark fights back a smile, Donghyuck can see him purse his lips and bite his cheek, so close he can see every tiny movement Mark makes. He runs his fingers up alongside Mark’s jaw, tracing the shape of his face to his ear and then around the curve of it, Mark giggles at the touch but Donghyuck doesn’t stop, moving to his eyebrows, feeling the hairs under his fingers as he follows the arch. He pulls his hand away and tucks it back under his own head, cuddled up. Mark opens his eyes, amusement playing on his face.

“Why'd you go with Yukhei last night?” he asks so casually as if he doesn't care the answer, arms moving to wrap around Hyuck’s waist. 

Donghyuck thinks of what Johnny said last night, thinks of how Mark wiped his tears even before that. He was the same Mark Donghyuck’s known his entire life but a new Mark too, one protective in new ways, caring differently, gaze with something more behind it. 

Maybe it's the closeness of them or the light beginning to pour in through the blinds, making Mark’s features even softer in a golden haze, but Donghyuck suddenly realizes his time is running out, and Mark’s here now, why not enjoy that?

“I was sad,” Hyuck says, uncurling his legs and stretching out, his toes touching Mark’s.

Mark pouts at that, “Sad? Why did you reach out to Yukhei then? You can come to me, baby”

“It hurt. To see you, knowing you’re going to leave.” Hyuck sighs. “I don’t want you to leave, Markie.” 

Mark gulps at the confession, the unspeakable truth that's been eating at the both of them all summer, maybe even before that, before Mark even knew he was leaving, Donghyuck hadn’t wanted him to. Donghyuck watches Mark’s throat move around the swallow, adams apple moving down then back up.

“I don’t want to either,” Mark says, hand moving up to grip the back of Donghyuck’s head, around the soft curl of his hair that’s getting too long. 

“So what do we do?” Donghyuck asks, voice barely above a whisper, Mark can likely only hear it because they’re so close together, legs practically intertwined now, bodies conjoined.

Mark moves up a bit, so his lips can leave a soft kiss on Donghyuck’s forehead, but he stays there a minute, talks into the skin. “It's not gonna change anything Hyuck, No matter where I am, a part of me is always going to be with you.”

“I don’t want to hold you back,” Donghyuck admits, trying to hold back his tears, not sure if they’re from his own confession or Mark’s. 

Mark twiddles Donghyuck’s hair around his finger, “Hyuck…” he breathes out, “You…you make me so much better. I feel so complete when I’m with you, because of you. You could never hold me back baby.” 

Donghyuck purrs at that, pulling Mark closer to him so the younger boy is now fully engulfed in Mark’s arms, Donghyuck’s own hands grasping onto Mark’s shoulders as he holds on to him. 

“How can I be so happy but so sad?” He asks Mark quietly, not really expecting an answer, just needing to verbalize his thoughts, how he’s been feeling, so in love and so sad about it all, so happy to finally have Mark here, telling him all the words he needs to hear, and that making it hurt all the more. It’s such a fine line he finds himself in.

Mark sighs against his forehead, his words are mumbled by hair and skin as he speaks, Donghyuck pressing in so tight to him, Mark’s words a little breathless too, “I’ll miss you baby, all the time.” He pulls away and Donghyuck whines at the loss of contact until Mark’s cupping his face in his hands, looking at him so intently that Donghyuck thinks he can see inside him, see all the parts of Donghyuck that he keeps hidden. He moves to kiss Donghyuck’s nose, then his eyelids, then down to his cheeks, copying all the places Donghyuck had traced his fingers along earlier on Mark’s face, but now returning the favor to Donghyuck. Finally, his lips move down slowly to Donghyucks, slotting the two together so gently, as if it’s a whisper of a kiss. 

It’s all made Donghyuck breathless, the sweetness of it all could give him a cavity. 

They kiss each other soft and slowly like that for what feels like hours, but Donghyuck’s not sure how long it really is. Mark moves with a sort of confidence that Donghyuck wonders where it comes from, how he knows exactly where to touch Donghyuck to get him to curl his toes. 

When Mark finally pulls away, the sun bathes him in gold. He looks like an angel. He moves his hips back so he’s straddling Donghyuck’s legs, knowingly ignoring the tent in Donghyuck’s pants, and Donghyuck grinds up towards him as if begging Mark to touch him. Mark smirks at that, pushes his hips back down. He moves to pull his shirt off and throws it across his room. His fingers move to the button on his jeans, pulling them down awkwardly as the material sticks to his hot skin. 

Donghyuck has seen Mark naked many times before during their friendship. They were too young and mischievous to not have skinny-dipped on hot summer nights or to all pack into one shower to share, too lazy and impatient to wait their turn. He had counted each mole that dotted down Mark’s chest, down and down to the one right on his hip bone. He thought about kissing that one almost as much as he thought about kissing the one right by his mouth, it twisting up when he smirks. Donghyuck had even seen Mark’s body the night at Johnny’s, but then the movements were new and awkward and full of excitement. Something felt different now, something more. It was the way Mark was holding himself off Donghyuck, making sure his body doesn’t crush him, looking at Donghyuck with such amazement. His nakedness felt more profound. His body, his everything, an offering to Donghyuck.

Mark’s hands tug at the edge of Donghyuck’s own shirt but waits to lift it, a silent question. Donghyuck’s scared, to be honest. He’s never done anything like this. Hell, Mark’s the first person he’s kissed where it actually meant something, not just a drunken spin the bottle make-out session with Wong Yukhei in Johnny’s closet. But Mark, Mark is everything good in the world. He’s the one next to Donghyuck’s side laughing before asking if he’s okay when Donghyuck falls on the cement and scrapes his knee. Mark’s the one who drags Donghyuck out of bed when he’s being bitter at the world and makes him go to the corner store to get ice-cream. Mark’s the one who takes Donghyuck to movies at the mall and saves up money to treat him to the overly priced popcorn. What is there to be scared of when Mark’s there? 

Donghyuck pulls his shirt off over his head, throwing it to the corner of the room. He hears Mark’s giggle and doesn’t need any light to see the glimmer in the boy's eyes. Mark helps him pulls his jeans off, boxers falling too, so he’s bare on Marks’s sheets. The bedsheets from Mark’s childhood. How many times have they slept on these? How many nights have the two shared together in this room?

Mark leans down over Donghyuck, hands gripping his hips.“So pretty,” he murmurs before moving down to kiss him so softly on his pelvic bone, before tracing his lips up all over Donghyuck’s body, leaving a trail as he makes his way back to Donghyuck’s lips, slowing pulling him into a kiss. It’s much more gentler than the ones from before, more attentive. When Mark pulls away, Donghyuck’s eyes adjusting to the proximity of their faces, he sees a look unfamiliar to him in Mark’s eyes, such fondness and devotion, a hint of longing, a side of Mark Donghyuck meets for the first time, or was it the first? Is this not the same way he’s been looking at Mark all these years? Now, they can look honestly, no need to look away. 

Mark whispers “Donghyuck?” to him, and it's so pretty coming from those lips, so pretty when he hears Mark saying his name late at night like this, with so much need. 

“Yes,” he answers quietly, feeling as if he knows everything Mark’s thinking and Mark knowing him. “Yes, please” he pleads. And Mark obliges him, like he always does, hands touching skin, lips touching lips, moans swallowed in kisses, discoveries being found. Donghyuck thinks he sees heaven in Mark’s eyes, thinks he feels angels in his touch. 

When they make love that night, both their first time, it feels like trips into the heart of the city. Colorful lights blurring past the car window at night, all wanderlust and amazement. Donghyuck feels like he’s glowing, his chest warm and he envisions a bright pink light radiating off him each time Mark thrust in to him, a kiss on his shoulder as he dips down. He feels like he’s blossoming, opening himself for Mark, for himself too. A part of it all is overwhelming, the soft words Mark's saying incoherent to him at this point, the world abuzz with pleasure, he can feel everything, each atom in the air, each thought in Mark’s head.

It breaks Donghyuck’s heart just a little, he wonders if Mark can tell, can hear his heart ripping apart as he leans in closer to Donghyuck’s chest, kisses him right above where his heart rests inside him.

“I love you,” Mark murmurs against the skin, moving his lips across to take Donghyuck’s nipple in his mouth. Donghyuck whispers it back, whispers he loves Mark too like it's some sort of mantra. If Mark’s going to break his heart by leaving, Donghyuck knows he’ll piece it back together too. Maybe it's okay to be a bit heartbroken while being a bit in love, maybe that’s what it’s like to love someone so much, so intently. Donghyuck knows he’ll be okay if he’s hurt, it’s okay if he’s sad now while also being so incredibly happy, so full of such ecstasy that he sees glitter in Mark’s touch-- it trails across his body from where Mark has touched him. He lets each conflicting emotion in him run through his veins, allows himself to feel it all, to feel Mark too, and know Mark’s feeling him, in ways Donghyuck had not known possible. 

Mark bites his shoulder when he cums and Donghyuck’s not short to follow after. His body feels like jelly as Mark gets up to grab his shirt he through into the corner of the room earlier, bundling it up and using it to clean them both off. “Are you okay, Hyuckie?” He asks, hands moving to rest on Donghyuck’s naked thighs, “Your legs are shaking so bad.” And Donghyuck finally opens his eyes at that, looking at his legs twitch as they lay there. Mark looks so concerned but Donghyuck just laughs, “Ya, I’m more than okay, Markie. Just. Need a second.”

Mark hums him a song as the rest of the neighborhood finally starts to wake up, the sound of engines starting and birds chirping outside the window. Donghyuck realizes for the first time that Mark lied, that he does want to go. It so obvious when he sings, the joy it gives him, and he's gotten so much better lately that Donghyuck knows he's been practicing. He has a map of Vancouver hanged up behind his desk, pins in certain places he wants to visit, but its the first time Donghyuck feels happy about it all, feels excited for Mark too. 

He’s still laying in Mark’s bed but now with a t-shirt covering his body. There are bruises on his neck, on his thighs. Mark’s hands resting next to one of them, rubbing the skin softly as he sings. Donghyuck wonders if this is what growing up feels like, trust and acceptance replacing stress and hushed feelings. He doesn’t dwell on the thought for long though, as Mark leans in to kiss him breathless more.

———

For Mark’s goodbye party, Johnny’s parents close their restaurant early so all the boys can gather together. Everyone’s there, from the seven boys of the block to Mark’s grown-up friends to even some of the people Donghyuck met in flashes with Yukhei at Ten’s party. Yukhei himself is sitting down the table a bit, laughing with someone Donghyuck recognizes as Xiaojun. They’ll have to talk, Donghyuck feels he owes him an apology for storming out on him, but that will have to wait. Now, Mark is sitting across from him, his foot rubbing against Donhgyuck’s lower calf, slowly rising, and Marks laughing at something Johnny just said next to him as if he’s not phased in the slightest. Donghyucks fighting a growing blush when Jeno punches Hyuck’s ear “hot.” He says with a knowing smirk. He drags his fingers down to Donghyucks neck, moving the collar of his sweatshirt just a bit to peek below, the joint between Hyucks neck and shoulder, which coincidentally is covered in leftover kisses and bites, bruises from Mark. “Marks possessive huh?” If Donghyuck wasn’t blushing already, he knows he is now, the same color of the spicy kimchi on their table. 

“How did you know?” Donghyuck asks, eyes wide, voice low. They hadn’t really told anyone yet, figuring it wasn’t a big deal and was at the same time. It had always been Donghyuck and Mark, Mark and Donghyyuck that it didn’t feel like much had changed. Jeno confirms this now 

“Oh please. Everyone else knew it had to happen soon, took you two long enough to figure out,”

“Really?” Donghyuck pops a piece of meat into his mouth, “For how long have you known?” he asks as he chews, pretending he’s not dying to know.

“Besides longer than you?” Jeno mocks with his pretty smile. Maybe he’s spent too much time around Donghyuck. “Maybe since your 14th birthday?” He answers seriously, “It was the first time you didn’t give me the first slice of cake. You gave it to Mark instead. And it was the one with the most frosting so, it was kind of obvious.”

“Jeno, I’m sorry,” Donghyuck says, and he means it even if he’s not sure why, he supposes he’s sorry for replacing Mark with Jeno, when Donghyuck was small and stupid and didn’t realize you could have two friends, love two people, even in different ways. He’s neglected him, and he knows that now, of course, Jeno would find Jaemin to fill in for Donghyuck, the same way Donghyuck found Mark to fill in for Jeno.

“Don’t be. I’m happy for you Hyuck. I know... that I haven’t always been there for you in the ways you might have liked me to be.” He looks shy, not looking at Donghyuck anymore but down to his lap. Donghyuck follows the eye movement and notices Jaemin’s hands in his lap, holding his. Jeno’s knuckles are white from how tight the hold is. He’s nervous, Donghyuck realizes.

“None of that, Lee Jeno. You’re the best friend a boy could ask for.” He smiles at him and sees Jeno relax, another wide smile on his face. And it’s true, whatever Donghyuck use to want them to seem a minuscule of memory now, almost ceasing to exist, can only remember Jeno fondly, can only see him as his friend, his family.

When he looks back up across the table, Jeno switching his attention to Chenle’s antics, Mark is looking at Donghyuck all knowingly. He’s not jealous or possessive— although maybe Donghyuck wouldn’t mind if he was— but he looks so content like he was waiting for Donghyuck to squish whatever was between him and Jeno for good, to come full circle. His eyes are lidded, full attention on Donghyuck “you okay?” He mouths word quietly amongst the chaos of having 20 or so men in the small place. And Donghyuck nods, jutting his leg out to slide up Marks now, returning the tease and Mark flashes his teeth like a lion, a dangerous smile on his lips. 

Later that night, Mark will eat Donghyuck raw, swallow the whole world, and him with it. He’ll kiss Donghyuck in places Donghyuck didn’t know others could reach, could see, could touch. Donghyuck will return the favor to the best of his ability, dipping his fingers and tongues in new crevices that will force Mark to whine out all high and breathy. Donghyuck will feel his chest rising at every thrust Mark makes into him, feel his whole body build up to explode and when he cums, Mark will whisper sweet words into his ear, a promise of forever, as he follows shortly after. 

But now, Mark shoots Donghyuck that smile, and Donghyuck smiles back before Johnny’s telling another joke at Mark’s expense, their all laughing and a little drunk off both soju and the energy within in the room. Johnny holding back his tears when Mark thanks everyone for coming, while Taeyong lets them flow freely. Renjun kisses Donghyuck on the forehead before leaving, Wong Yukhei offering him a ride. Jeno will tell Mark to take care of Donghyuck or he’ll break his knees, which Donghyuck will not learn about for several months. He and Jaemin are a stumbling mess out the door, Doyoung having to walk with them home. Mark and Donghyuck will walk home with Jisung and Chenle and the younger boys will make fun of them every time Mark tries to sneak Donghyuck a kiss. The weather is getting colder and Donghyuck has goosebumps on his arms, summer is coming to an end. 

Donghyuck looks towards the sky after the others go in, Mark waiting for him at the door. Donghyuck can hear his brother and Chenle’s laugh through the opening as their feet pound up the stairs, fading away. He can feel Mark’s eyes on him, but he doesn’t pressure him to come in, letting the cold air into the complex. 

Donghyuck wishes to the stars that he’ll remember everything from that day and the day before and even the day before that. He’s selfish that way, wants to case the moment in glass to look at forever. But Mark’s whistling for him to come in and Donghyuck’s opening his eyes, heading towards the boy he loves, and any worries Donghyuck has about forgetting this moment in his youth slips away. He opts instead to just enjoy it.


	2. Epilogue

Mark comes back a little taller, holding himself a bit higher, some muscle on his arms. Donghyuck’s been working at a library downtown, a bit more change in his pocket and peace in his mind. 

Jeno and Jaemin bought an apartment downtown in a high rise that took Donghyuck’s breathe away when he first saw the view. Jeno’s uncle got him a position at his company and now they seem so grown up that Donghyuck sometimes thinks he doesn’t belong next to them, feels embarrassed when he doesn’t know why there’s so much silverware in front of them but Jeno will pat his knee under the table and point to the right one and everything feels okay. 

Jaemin works in a pet store a few blocks away and it all makes so much sense to Donghyuck, like a puzzle all coming together.

Renjun and Yukhei got together three months after Mark left. Maybe sooner, but Donghyuck happened to walk into Renjun’s new apartment that night and found a naked Yukhei sitting on his couch. It changed things for them— the dynamics of their friendship. Donghyuck always thought he’d have Renjun, knew he’d lose Mark, but Renjun was like him, rooted into the grounds of the neighborhood. That hadn’t changed, but now Yukhei took up roots too. The three of them would go for lunch or a movie and Donghyuck would pretend he didn’t feel so empty when Renjun slotted his hand into Yukhei’s while Donghyuck’s sat empty. Those nights he sends Mark sappy texts, panicked occasionally too, so unsure of the world and Mark would wake up to them 12 hours later and make sweet promises that Donghyuck already knew to be true, awaken embarrassed by his ability to be so blinded, to forget how much Mark loved him. 

He longs for Mark all the time, a constant presence he carries with him that’s become so familiar to him, a longing that he knew of even when Mark was here but they weren’t together yet, a need to dive deeper into the older boy, to feel the two become one, to know him inside out, it’s just amplified now that Mark’ gone. He’s learned to live with his loneliness and longing, learned to connect with himself within it, to find happiness in sadness and he’s so proud of himself even when he’s being foolish. With Mark being away he rediscovers himself, learns how to love who he is and learns to be okay with being alone, and to be okay with not being alone too, accepts both are part of life. He has good days and bad days and Mark’s with him even when he’s not for all of them. 

Donghyuck can’t remember the worries he had the summer before, the wish he made under the stars to remember each moment that passes, instead, it all comes in flashes, moments from when they were younger and carefree, waking up and going to sleep in a steady routine of each other. But their both different people now, finding themselves while being away from each other. They take that first week of summer getting reacquainted with the other. Mark discovers new ways Donghyuck whimpers under his touch and Donghyuck drowns in the sweet melodies of Mark’s moans, his own private concert. 

Mark plays him a song a week later, strums softly on his guitar as accompaniment. Donghyuck’s laying shirtless on Mark’s bed, his hand a fluttering touch across his belly as Mark sings, sending chills down Donghyuck’s spine. 

Mark’s sweet voice mumbles out, voice low, and Donghyuck can tell he’s nervous so he moves to rest his hand on Mark’s thigh, gives him a soft smile for encouragement.

“Did you notice?” he sings staring into Donghyuck’s eyes, “We sleep through the night,” his voice is soft, like whispers, “Did you notice? Everything’s alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello :)
> 
> I'm still relatively new to all this so please let me know your thoughts below and if there's anything you'd like to see from my writing :) 
> 
> Follow me on Twitter @M4RKFILM !
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Oh! The song Mark sings at the end is Alan by Perfume Genius :)
> 
> Mitski Pink In The Night, Silver Sphere Glow, and Harry Styles Fine Line were also heavily used!


	3. Bonus Scene

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to cut this from the work but thought I'd post it as a special treat to say thanks for all of your support and sweet comments :)

It’s raining when Mark leaves, which is so ironically fitting Donghyuck laughs when he steps out the front door, his mom shooting him a worried glance. Of course, Mark is going to take the summer with him. The last day of August, Donghyuck’s last day with Mark, wrapping up so poetically. Really, he shouldn’t be laughing but he can’t stop. Not when on the way to the airport Mark’s favorite song comes on, a bass accompanying the steady pitter-patter of rain on the windshield. Mark headed out a bit earlier, had to check-in and bring all his bags. Donghyuck offered to help but Mark told him there’d be no room in the car. Donghyuck’s mom offered to take him instead, grabbing them a breakfast sandwich from McDonald's on the way. The sweetness of Donghyuck’s orange juice made his stomach hurt. 

The airports empty, likely since it is so early. Mark’s flight doesn’t leave for another 2 hours but paranoia and an obsessive mother means Mark has to be at the gate waiting no less than 90 minutes before. They parked in the drop-off lane, Donghyuck’s mother saying she doesn’t need to come in, which she probably doesn’t since they had the good-bye party last night, and Donghyuck is so grateful for it. He’s not sure he’s ready to tell his mom everything quite yet, and although gathering from the sad smile she sends Donghyuck that she already knows, he appreciates the gesture, a reassurance that he can take his time. But not really either, since parking in drop-off lanes can’t exceed thirty minutes. Thirty minutes, Donghyuck tells himself, thirty minutes is all I have left with Mark. 

The fluorescent lights are blinding coming in from the cool dark morning, the rainclouds blocking out the sunrise. He can’t see for a second, eyes adjusting to the change. But when his eyes clear, blur fading, Donghyuck sees the back of Mark. His mom is fessing with his coat, patting his sides. 

“It’ll be cold on the plane.” She tells him, grabbing a blanket sitting on top of Mark’s carry-on and pushing it into his arms. “You don’t want to have to grab it once you sit.” 

Mark accepts it with a smile, so graciously. She’s making no sense really, babying him, but Mark takes it, he’s kind like that, knows what is needed for those around him, and prioritizes it over whatever it is he is feeling or needing. 

Donghyuck coughs from behind him, drawing the family's attention. Mark turns and Donghyuck gets the first glance of him since the night before. He looks tired, face a bit puffy probably from the salty ramen they had at 2 a.m. Mark blamed his tears on the spiciness. His fringe is down flat on his head and he just looks so young. He looks like the boy Donghyuck befriended all those years ago, not like someone who can move across the world on their own. 

“Hyuck.” He says, a smile breaking out on his face. 

And Hyuck’s about to lose it. Mark must be able to tell because Donghyuck hears him turn to his parents and ask for a second. They walk away, taking a seat near the baggage claim. 

“Hyuck,” Mark says again, concern laced in his words. And Donghyuck’s full-on sobbing now, snot running out his nose but he’s too far gone to care, tears flowing out of him so unstoppable and Donghyuck can barely breathe. He’s hyperventilating. 

Mark pulls him into a hug, it's crushing and hard and Hyuck shoves his face into Mark’s neck letting out more sobs.

“Hyuckie.”Marks says into Donghyuck’s ear, it sends chills down his spine. “Baby sssshhhh. It’ll be okay.” He pulls away and Donghyuck whines, causing Mark to snicker at him. “Just cleaning you up,” he says and wipes at Donghyuck’s tears, pulling the sleeve down of his coat to wipe Donghyuck’s snot off. 

They stand like that for longer than Donghyuck would have liked, wasting his precious minutes be a bubbling mess while Mark looks at him so fondly it makes him cry even more. “I’m going to miss you so much,” he finally manages out. Mark kisses his cheek so softly, “I’ll miss you too,” he ghosts over Donghyuck’s lips, teasing the younger boy, “Going to miss your high-pitch laugh, and your stubbornness, and the way you pout when you want something.” He kisses Donghyuck’s nose. “Going to miss sleeping next to you and waking up next to you.” He kisses both of Donghyuck’s eyelids, Donghyuck’s eyelashes fluttering at the soft touch. He’s never been kissed like this before, with so much love. “Going to miss your lips so much Hyuck, going to think about them so much,” Mark says, finally leaning in and connecting them. It’s everything all at once, no time to think only react to Mark pushing his tongue in and breathing in hot. Donghyuck feels like he’s reaching into him, grasping onto a part of him with his lips. Mark angles Donghyuck’s head back, arching him to deepen the kiss. It’s all-consuming and tells Donghyuck everything he needs to hear at that moment, without the words. God, he was so foolish he thinks to himself, to think Mark won’t miss him as much as he will. To think Mark doesn’t love him as much as he does hasn’t loved him just as long as Donghyuck has loved him. Really they’re such idiots to ever wait as long as they did. But Mark will be back, there will be time to make up for it.

When Mark pulls away, they’re both smiling, breathing heavy. Mark’s mom calls for him. Times running out. “It’s going to be okay,” Mark says, and Donghyuck knows he means it, knows he's right. He nods furiously and Mark kisses him again, a soft peck, a promise. “I’m in love with you Lee Donghyuck.” 

“Me too,” Donghyuck replies, and it's not enough but it is at the same time. It’s so them, Mark pouring his heart out, taking care of Hyuck. So different from when they first met and Donghyuck spoke for both of them. They’ve changed and grown so much but still have stayed so much the same. 

"Will you be my boyfriend?" Mark asks with a bit of panic in his voice and Donghyuck just laughs at the fact they even need a label like that when they're so much more than just boyfriends but he nods his head ferociously all the same just to see the bright smile Mark shines at him.

"I got us these," he says and slips a ring on Donghyuck's finger and one on his own.

"When?" Donghyuck asking fighting back more tears.

Mark just shrugs, "A couple of months ago maybe."

"But that was before..." 

"Ya, I guess so." He seems a bit embarrassed by the confession, but Donghyuck kisses it away, kisses him so fondly that they both melt into each other, Donghyuck hopes they'll melt into one so they'll always be together. But, in some ways, he knows they already are.

When Mark turns to leave, the escalator taking him up, up and away, he waves back at Donghyuck until he’s out of sight. Donghyuck just stands there at first, it doesn’t really feel real.

He’ll be back for summer break. Their traditions will continue. Water balloons fight and trips to the convenience store plenty more to come. Making love under the sun’s peeping eyes, muffled moans and tears of ecstasy. They’ll be alright. 

Mark’s mom squeezes his shoulder and walks arm in arm with him out to the car, waving at Donghyuck’s mom as he climbs back into the car. His mom ruffles his hair and pulls them out. Mark’s somewhere in that airport building, Donghyuck here. Not together, but together. He knows Mark’s thinking of him too. He closes his eyes as the car moves, letting the lull of the radio and the steady sound of the engine putting him to sleep. 

They’ll be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on twitter @M4RKFILM :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this far :)


End file.
